Pornography

Scandalous topic, I know. It makes me feel all edgy and spiritual writing about it, like Jon Acuff (check out Stuff Christians Like, it's awesome).

I, like many students at Bible college, many regular men and women, young and old, am guilty of once having an addiction to pornography. Not pornography in the graphic, internet video or dirty magazine sense, but pornography none the less. It's like a diseased fog that permeates and soaks everything in our society and rots the soul from the inside out.

The American Heritage New Dictionary of Cultural Literacy defines pornography as "Books, photographs, magazines, art, or music designed to excite sexual impulses and considered by public authorities or public opinion as in violation of accepted standards of sexual morality." It also notes that American courts have not fully settled on a definition of what truly constitutes as pornographic material.
I don't blame them - it's a messy thing, but I think I can narrow it down.

A book that has heavily influenced my views on sexuality and spirituality is "Sex God" by Rob Bell. Many conservative Christians reserve a special hatred for this man and his theology, but "Sex God" is a fantastic book.
Bell explores the soul deep connection to sexuality in it, but he claims that sexuality isn't just the lustful, physical desire we feel, it's a heart thing.
Sexuality is the desire we feel to be connected to another being, not just physically but emotionally and spiritually. We use physical action to express the deeper, true meaning of 'sex' which is to bond with someone on the heart level, the soul level.

We've lost this sense, I think. Not just because of sin, but because we've allowed society to completely re-define sexuality, making it into an animalistic, primitive act based on the physical desires of the body which were meant to be used in expression of the communion of two souls. It's dehumanized us. It's taken away something that was meant to be pure and holy and sacred and turned it into 'just sex'.

Now, I said that I was a pornography addict. I was addicted to books that would engage me so deeply emotionally that I would drown myself in them, immerse myself in them to the point where I would forget everything around me. Romance novels especially. It let me imagine and 'feel' what I longed to feel - connection to someone else. Sex. I am guilty of reading Twilight and indulging in it's escapism through 'living' out the romance in my mind so I could feel the 'love' I desired. Sex. There are even 'Christian' novels out there that do the same thing even though it portrays what a relationship 'should' be between a man and a woman.
That's what happens with our typical definition of what pornography is - videos and dirty magazines. I know many guys who have dealt with addictions to pornography and they'll tell you the same thing about it all, it stems out of a need to feel intimacy with someone. It's a hollow intimacy, full of promises and emptiness.

Why do we need this intimacy? It's a part of being human. Humans are not just physical beings, but we have been made in the image of God - a God who created us out of a desire to love that He gave us as well. When we sinned, we lost that connection and try to fulfill our desire for intimacy, our sexual desires, with pornography, stuff that stimulates that sexual impulse we have and instead of quenching it just adds more fuel to the fire. A fire that only our God can put out.

However, I do not think that the desire for sex (intimacy, emotional and physical) will ever go away no matter how close someone is to God, which I think can be a huge downfall in dealing with pornography addictions in Christians. Saying that we are defeating an addiction and no longer feel the temptation is lying. Anyone who has ever had an addiction of any kind will tell you that temptation never really goes away - I've been a non smoker for a year and a half now, and I still feel the temptation to hit the gas station and grab a pack. I know alcoholics that still feel the want to stop by the liquor store and get a bottle of vodka after decades of sobriety.
Saying that if only we were closer to God then the temptation would stop is wrong. Even Jesus was tempted (check it out, it doesn't say the devil TRIED to tempt Him, he DID tempt Him), I frankly I don't think I can think of anyone closer to God than Him. We may feel that temptation, but we can't fool ourselves into thinking that we can cure our desires by becoming perfectly in tune with Him because as 'holy' and as intimate as we can get with Him it will never be enough until the day we truly become one with Him.

We have to realize that whenever we feel the desire to look up that website or pick up that book, that what we're doing is making our soul sick by devouring food that won't fill us. Sexual desire isn't just physical lust, it's our heart crying out to be close to someone and we have to turn to God in order to be given the food that will always satiate our endless hunger instead of killing us.